19 WTF and going strong - mad - tired

July 20

Lots of meetings - stayed up too late with Jim. There was a walk some day, not sure which.

 World: 14,705,330 - 609,955
US: 3,830,045 - 140,906 dead
Sweden: 78,048 - 5,639 dead
Russia:

Florida: 360,394 - 5,072 dead

Texas: 343,783 - 4,106 dead 

July 21

We took a nap and there was so much I remembered, stories I was going to share of times and things and people and they were so vivid in my mind and now they are gone. One of the things is Middlemarch - Dorothea who really was a saint, living a small life, but bringing good to the world, changing the fabric of reality around her. Trying to think of a way to tell MW that he matters, that he underestimates his influence on the world. Talked to Jonas who is doing okay, although C is still so very anxious. He got to do Walmart curbside pickup though - out of the house, so that is good.

Remember to breathe, remember you are just a tiny thing, remember to love.

 World: 14,898,145 - 615,462
US: 3,899,072 - 141,992 dead
Sweden: 78,166 - 5,646 dead
Russia:

Florida: 369,834 - 5,206 dead

Texas: 351,071 - 4,199 dead 

July 22

I just caught myself thinking that I would pray for someone ... never thought that before ... just sending good wishes for them out into the aether ... Talked with some really good students today, and they give me hope ... you know ... long term.

Dinner from Chickfilet that we ate in the car in the park. Then I did a short walk and Jim waited in the truck and then we went home. The Borgias - better than I thought.

 World: 15,177,447 - 622,183
US: 3,969,786 - 143,178 dead
Sweden: 78,504 - 5,667 dead
Russia:

Florida: 379,619 - 5,345 dead

Texas: 363,615 - 4,439 dead 

July 23

I feel very privileged and we had a hot fudge sundae when we were trying to get beer.

 World: 15,446,800 - 632,178
US: 4,034,102 - 144,242 dead
Sweden: 78,763- 5,676 dead
Russia:

Florida: 389,868 - 5,518 dead

Texas: 371,929 - 4,607 dead 

July 24

Got a fair bit underway. New ICE regulations - again. Rick is in hospice (died tonight) and the classes have to be changed.

 World: 15,676,604 - 638,577
US: 4,111,950 - 145,539 dead
Sweden: 78,997- 5,697 dead
Russia:

Florida: 402,312 - 5,653 dead

Texas: 380,364 - 4,790 dead 

July 25

Talked to mom for a bit. Left the house at three and went for a bike-rack and then to get the mail and then dinner from Rosa's at Lauri's. Some stress along the day. Talked w L about how we have not solved our Sudokus lately. There is a fog over everything.

Also, I should write about how we are bad at listening, just riffing on each others stories to tell our own. I tell a story to make a point. He hears the story but has his own point to make. I feel not heard.

 World: 16,046,986 - 644,528
US: 4,178,021 - 146,460 dead
Sweden: 78,997- 5,697 dead
Russia: 805,332 - 13,172

Florida: 414,511 - 5,777 dead

Texas: 390,286 - 4,990 dead 

July 26

Rachel and I started book 8. Talked about how hard it is to set boundaries with other people - even when it might kill you not to do so. Talked with Annika - T is hurting and doesn't always say so. Doctor's screwed up giving medication that gives you an ulcer without giving the ulcer medication. People are human - yeah, but no. Can you be mad at someone who is really sick or do they always get to win? Building a desk for your partner, what a labor of love.

Sex, Terry Black, walk on the park bridge. Aeon Flux (20 minutes was all we could stand), and then episode one of Saturday Night Live. Brilliant.

 World: 16,201,176 - 647,928
US: 4,233,927 - 146,934 dead
Sweden: 78,997- 5,697 dead
Russia:

Florida: 423,855 - 5,854 dead

Texas: 394,084 - 5,076 dead 

WTF 18

July 13

......Got the Yukon to the Carmax for repairs. Got some people written to, got some food, got my bra tag taken off and pizza for dinner. Talked to Jonas while we were at the store - told him I was worried about him and missed him. He sent a chicken recipe and said he got a radio for mom. Good for her to have.

Watched the first episode of Chernobyl - chillingly factual and insane. Just like now, just like here. Lies so commonplace that the truth becomes hard to recognize. That is the fear.

 World: 13,070,590 - 572,428
US: 3,363,056 - 135,605 dead
Sweden: 75,826 - 5,536 dead
Russia:

Florida: 282,435 - 4,277 dead

Texas: 269,778 - 3,226 dead

July 14

......Bastille day. Did our wills. Got Jim's Yukon back. Took pictures for a headshot.

 World: 13,290,153 - 577,980
US: 3,431,574 - 136,466 dead
Sweden: 76,001 - 5,545 dead
Russia:

Florida: 291,629 - 4,409 dead

Texas: 279,577 - 3,362 dead 

July 15

Called Sinikka - wrote Jan. Lots of registration stuff and NSA meetings. Saw Whitney Cummings. Very funny. Had reversed the numbers of my LOFT order from 2328 to 2823 ... the recipient found me on Facebook and texted me.

 World: 13,516,656 - 583,359
US: 3,497,767 - 137,358 dead
Sweden: 76,492 - 5,572 dead
Russia:

Florida: 301,810 - 4,521 dead

Texas: 289,837 - 3,498 dead 

July 16

Did the comet cupboard with the North Texas Food Bank.

 World: 13,765,713 - 589,192
US: 3,574,371 - 138,339 dead
Sweden: 76,877 - 5,593 dead
Russia:

Florida: 315,775 - 4,677 dead

Texas: 305,854 - 3,657 dead 

July 17

The Old Guard with Charlize Theron - and Nile .. *happy sigh*

 World: 14,067,292 - 601,927
US: 3,647,237 - 139,255 dead
Sweden: 77,281 - 5,619 dead
Russia:

Florida: 327,241 - 4,805 dead

Texas: 317,290 - 3,809 dead 

July 18

Read in my book a little - she is moving time and things around as you do when you think and walk and remember in all directions at once. And the internal emotional reality gets mixed up with the external reality and what does it really matter if what you see is a painting or a person - afterwards you remember it the same or similarly. Reminded of Luanne Frank's suggestion that we not stop at the things we understand and recognize, but focus and spend time with the things that do not make sense, that do not resonate.

Simone Dinnerstein - circles - is like hearing Bach in technicolor from inside his head, pulsing, swirling, five dimensional, hot and heavy. A bit of a revelation.

Talked to mom for a while. She is overweight and out of breath, but of good cheer. I hope she gets her medicine figured out soon.

Cleaned out the pantry and went to In 'n Out for lunch and then to Container Store where there were too many people and we got some stuff but I got overwhelmed and a little panicky with people being too close. Put everything back in the pantry and watched four episodes of Doc Martin and had tuna.

Thinking about how to build bridges to the Trumpers, so they have a safe way from the sinking ship to shore. So they can abandon the cult and find capital useful outside of Donnyland. We have to help with that.

 World: 14,246,121 - 601,549 (don't ask - I don't understand it either)
US: 3,711,359 - 140,119 dead
Sweden: 77,281 - 5,619 dead
Russia:

Florida: 337,569 - 4,895 dead

Texas: 327,406 - 3,939 dead 

July 19

Got the mail. Took a nap. Watched three episodes of I'll be gone in the Dark which is gripping and a great love story. and then vacuumed and did some laundry and then went for a walk while Jim talked to Kim and it was nice as it always is to be out, to walk, to talk to the trees, and see the people. Then two episodes of Tudors.

 World: 14,457,916 - 605,205
US: 3,773,206 - 140,534 dead
Sweden: 77,281 - 5,619 dead
Russia:

Florida: 350,047 - 4,982 dead

Texas: 335,257 - 4,012 dead 

WTF continues - edition 17

July 6

I dunno. Days not have any structure. I wobble from thing to thing, always kinda on my way to later. Not enough sleep, but we did go out on the bicycles. Ordered jeans.  ICE came out with new rules about international students. Watched Sunset with Bruce Willis and James Garner.

 World: 11,593,181 - 537,487
US: 2,936,077 - 130,284 dead
Sweden: 73,061 - 5,433 dead
Russia:
Florida: 206,447 - 3,778 dead

Texas: 205,642 - 2,677 dead

July 7

Met  Magda on campus, took her picture and she cut my hair. Tried to go to the doctor, but didn't have an appointment. Another episode of Foyle's War - eerie similarities. They were waiting for a German invasion. Both of us were unnerved by the hypervigilance displayed by the shows characters.

 World: 11,799,443 - 543,558
US: 2,993,760 - 131,457 dead
Sweden: 73,344 - 5,447 dead
Russia:
Florida: 213,794 - 3,841 dead

Texas: 216,026 - 2,778 dead

July 8

Nothing new. Watched the Deep Sleep - with Bogart and Bacall - lovely.

 World: 12,041,480 - 549,468
US: 3,054,699 - 132,300 dead
Sweden: 73,858 - 5,482 dead
Russia:
Florida: 223,783 - 3,889 dead

Texas: 224,929 - 2,875 dead

July 9

Comet Cupboard with Sydney - Nils did the afternoon. Sent out the results of the TA survey. Remember that I had something last night I wanted to say. Maybe about the demons we are all fighting and do not know about - as in, we do not talk to each other, we shadow box, constantly. I saw it this morning in teh woman at the cash register who wondered what was wrong with me - nothing. I had been polite and friendly but she was paranoid and then she said it was all bad and God would sort it out. Outside a man came to take care of my cart and said another woman had told him to go away, to not come near her. His feelings were hurt. People are afraid again. So close to the surface.

 World: 12,238,034 - 554,360
US: 3,117,901 - 133,287 dead
Sweden: 74,333 - 5,500 dead
Russia: 706,240 - 10,826 dead
Florida: 232,718 - 4,009 dead

Texas: 236,541 - 3,006 dead

July 10

Worked and had lunch with Michele and talked to mom for a long time and had computer issues and watched the best of Hump.

 World: 12,498,467 - 560,209
US: 3,184,573 - 134,092 dead
Sweden: 74,898 - 5,526 dead
Russia:
Florida: 244,151 - 4,102 dead

Texas: 244,756 - 3,062 dead

July 11

Rachel hadn't read but we had a nice talk anyway. She told me about Axel and the flirty girl and different perspectives. Dry cleaners, frontline (vectra) for the cats, post office, Lauri to see her new car, Macy's for a bra and Michaels for rocks. A lovely nap. A silly Sherlock Holmes movie, Murder by Decree.

 World: 12,684,409 - 564,506
US: 3,245,925 - 134,777 dead
Sweden: 74,898 - 5,526 dead
Russia:

Florida: 254,511 - 4,197 dead

Texas: 254,415 - 3,138 dead

July 12

We did our taxes! Took all day, but we did 'em. and then I get ready to prepare for another week. Week eighteen. The fog intensifies. Yesterday we were all out and around people and today totally isolated. Someone said last week it will be January before we are back at work - I cannot imagine what the world will look like by then. It would be wonderful to inaugurate a new President with other people, but getting my hopes up for either is scary.

Florida's numbers are getting scary high and suddenly it becomes a reality that my brother - or his kids -  might get sick, might die. Or the Minnesotans or the FortWortheans ... so

My brain hurt like a warehouse, it had no room to spare
I had to cram so many things to store everything in there
And all the fat-skinny people, and all the tall-short people
And all the nobody people, and all the somebody people
I never thought I'd need so many people

 World: 12,875,496 - 568,528
US: 3,302,695 - 135,176 dead
Sweden: 74,898 - 5,526 dead
Russia:

Florida: 269,811 - 4,242 dead

Texas: 262,000 - 3,203 dead