A review of the book can be found here:
the book does not contend that people should be able to be gay and conservative - rather the opposite, but it does present that argument as the struggle for normal - the desire to be accepted by the mainstream - and then goes on to explain why that is troublesome. Achieving the right to marriage moves the boundary of who is accepted a white (norm/al)- it does not change the inherently bizarre structure that divides the norm/al from the degenerate and it does nothing to fix the issues with the institution of marriage.
So the fact that my women were allowed to speak - or claim non-gendered positions to speak from - may not have been a weakness in the system or a sign that oppression was less serious. It could have worked as a vent, and a way to reinforce the structure. "You cannot speak as a woman, you can be either a woman or a public speaker - you have to renounce your gender to speak" sorta thing. Pretend you are not jewish and you can be part of the culture ... fight for gay marriage so you don't fight for gay culture ... hmm.