WTF - ten for the price of everything

May 18


just a day like a day that was a day. Walked in the park with Jim and then walked home.

World: 4,805,005 - 318,534
US: 1,508,598 - 90,353 dead
Sweden: 30,377 - 3,698 dead
Russia:
Florida: 46,442 - 1,997 dead (676,412 tested)
Texas: 49,185 - 1,350 dead  (723,013 tested)


 May 19

I need to say things today, about how fragile identity is - how not having it reinforced by daily interactions with others frays it at the edges. and about how what is normally panic and unsettledness at 3 am in the morning, when everything seems off, is now the norm. The normal, the everyday, is now what comes in fleeting moments and so I struggle to hold myself together. I have an identity deficit and I withdraw into myself, to the pieces of me that are not dependent on other people, to the music that I mirrored myself in and that lets me feel the feelings. I listen to music like people eat vitamins.
Also, our identity is not an essence, it is made up of threads interwoven with other people and so when they are gone, when they die, they unweave part of us and we have to get together, tell stories and hug each other to reweave the pieces together - to darn our identities and relationships to each other.
Also, Rachel told me of a failed marriage - and I really don't know what to make of it, what to think, but find that that too tears my fabric a little.

 World: 4,897,567 - 323,286
US: 1,528,568 - 91,921 dead
Sweden: 30,799 - 3,743 dead
Russia:
Florida: 46,944 - 2,052 dead (715,855 tested)
Texas: 50,552 - 1,388 dead  (744,937 tested)


May 20

so much work, so many pieces missing and so much left to do, every day. Desperate to advise, enroll, support. Not much left for me to grow on, and yet. To focus on that gives me goals, something to do, something that matters and makes a difference. Beyond the tedium and sadness of isolation.

The bird baby is doing well at least. That makes me happy.


 World: 4,995,712 - 328,095
US: 1,551,853 - 91,921 dead
Sweden: 31,523 - 3,831 dead
Russia: 308,705 - 2,972
Florida: 47,471 - 2,096 dead (771,348 tested)
Texas: 51,673 - 1,426 dead  (770,241 tested)


May 21

snuck up to the office for a bit, Beth was there, Michael had left a CD in my mailbox. Got Halal food. Talked to Rachel for a bit, miss her. Got a new office chair and some clothes I had ordered from JJill. Listened to a talk about Islam.


 World: 5,102,424 - 332,924
US: 1,577,147 - 94,702 dead
Sweden: 32,172 - 3,871 dead
Russia:
Florida: 48,675 - 2,144 dead (813,929 tested)
Texas: 53,053 - 1,460 dead  (770,241 tested)


May 23

Not sure how Friday got missed, but there it is - missed. Ah well. Today lots of computer woes for the SO and Emporium Pies after dinner at In-n-Out. Mom told the same story twice - or was that yesterday?


 World: 5,311,624 - 342,105
US: 1,622,670 - 97,087 dead
Sweden: 33,188 - 3,992 dead
Russia: 335,882
Florida: 50,127 - 2,233 dead (856,437 tested)
Texas: 54,776 - 1,478 dead  (762,706 tested)


May 24

Talked with Rachel. Spent most of the day on Jim's computer.


 World: 5,408,301 - 345,064
US: 1,643,499 - 97,722 dead
Sweden: 33,459 - 3,998 dead
Russia:
Florida: 50,867 - 2,237 dead (871,235 tested)
Texas: 55,885 - 1,528 dead  (763,766 tested)